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| Air is so thick in NY. I'm half-breathing...
Arrived at jfk at 8:30am to angry angry rain. Got into a car with a cabbie who apparently was new or was unable to understand English. Frustration building as I watch the ticker charge increase every 15 seconds! After an hour of being lost in translation, we get to my block but he pulls into a house a block away. Didnt I say the right address or am I crazy? He tries to back out w/o seeing oncoming cars...okay I can run through the rain with all my stuff rather than almost get killed in the back of a cab. Run to my door and I almost appreciate that our house has 5 doors. 5 doors to open/close and calm myself down before entering the house.
I cant say being home makes me a better version of myself but I feel like I could be more confidant. I feel more assured, more definite about who I am when I am at home. This is great but that doesnt change me or help me see parts of me which need some serious remodeling. Home is not for me just yet...I hope its soon though.
NY leaves me feeling awkward and displaced most days of the week. Correction, relationships leave me feeling awkward and displaced. My mom told me when I have trouble listening its because I am not opening not only my ears and mind but also my heart. You have to strain, really work at listening because its not just the words coming out of a mouth you're listening for but the message coming form their heart...if we did listen this way, imagine the quality of our relationships! and work and recreation and etc...
The following quote from BLUE LIKE JAZZ is advice given to the author, Don Miller, when he was feeling anxious about falling out of love with a future wife: "when a relationship is right...what is, is what it is..." | | |
| Home is even more beautiful than I remember it to be. Aside from the eyeball-tingling heat, rancho cucamonga is in full bloom with magnolia trees, cacti and palm. I'm tempted to count down the hours until I have to leave again but I just shouldnt...because its not like ny is all that bad.
My mom, cousin and I went out to dinner at a local Japanese restuarant. The meal was amazing because the food was the creation of an authentic Japanese chef and also because we all had the giggles. Trying to maintain dignity in a very dignified restaurant is very diffcult indeed. Our waitor was fortunately young and korean enough to understand our humor. He also had the most amazing voice which brought words like"soysauce and wasabi" onto a different level.
Home is still broken and in disrepair...which I still dont fully understand yet. Thankfully, God has been softening my bitterness and strengthening my love for my family. A broken family in which I am a big participant.
On a lighter note, barbeques abound! Fireworks anyone? Monday I'm off to Joshua Tree National Park which I have been waiting to see since last summer. The Lee family will brave and conquer the desert heat.
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| I'm back in L.A. for the holiday weekend for family, fun, rest and sun.
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| The subway rumbles too often and always when the rats come out to play.
Beware of the after-work stampede for groceries and the coveted subway window seat.
Running into flower shops for a nature break.
I'm angry...I want to set my own pace and make up my own story.
Still mornings at the park with pigeons, dogs and blooming magnolia sets the pace for a weekday...
What matters?
Still angry...
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